Oh Tannenbaum indeed!

Dear tackiest Christmas tree in America:

How did you end up in my house? I mean, I've always prided myself on decorating the most beautiful trees. We love real trees. We've had gorgeous Fraser firs, magnificent Douglas firs, and so many beautiful trees over the last dozen years.

But this year Sam was tested for allergies and we discovered that he is very allergic to pretty much all trees. I vowed to find an artificial tree that I would love as much as any real tree we'd ever had. Pearson was delighted at the thought of a pre-lit tree and never having to put the lights on a tree ever again.

I set out on my mission as soon as the stores put out the trees (around Halloween). I quickly became skeptical about getting a fabulous tree without spending several hundred dollars. Even the skimpiest trees were close to $200. So, I decided to hold off until Black Friday and perhaps find the perfect tree on sale somewhere. There were some great Black Friday deals on trees, but still I just couldn't find that perfect tree. I was getting discouraged.

Pearson and I started discussing the possibility of getting a real tree and hoping, now that Sam has meds for his allergies, that it wouldn't be so bad. We had all but decided to get a real tree when suddenly Sam's allergies hit full force. This time of year is so bad for him. He's been taking meds every 4 hours for a week and a half now. He even wakes up in the middle of the night, shuffles into our room to wake me up and beg for more medicine. So perhaps inviting another allergen into the house would be a mistake, right?

Last night I realized that Christmas was less than a week away and still we had no tree lighting up our beautiful bay window. My grandmother had mentioned that she had a pre-lit tree in the attic that she wasn't using. So I asked my aunt and uncle to bring it over.

Aunt Sharon walked in the door, followed closely by Uncle Don carrying two huge bags, and she said, "I hate this tree." Trying to be positive, I said, "Oh I'm sure it'll be fine."

Now here we are. I guess I should have known, any fake tree my grandmother would buy would have a tragic flaw of some sort. Would it be white or some other ridiculous non-tree color? Would it play loud music every time I turned the lights on? Would it be covered with fake snow? No, none of these things. But it is full of colorful fiber optic tips. Is this tree really in my house?

It's a sad day around here. Damn those allergies! I'll do my best to make the tree work. But it really hurts my eyes just to look at it. Without further ado, I give you....The Totally Tacky Tannenbaum.....

This picture doesn't do it justice, really. The lights fade in and out while changing color and the power supply makes this wonderful droning hum. Delightful! It really embodies the peacefulness that is the holiday season quite well, I think (note the sarcasm). Merry f'ing Christmas, y'all.

~Mom on the Edge