Friday, December 21, 2007

O Tannenbaum, Teil Zwei (Part 2)

Dear Tacky Tree:

So, I dressed you up as best I could. Not bad, I guess. What do you think?

~Mom on the Edge

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Warning: Too much cuteness!

Dear Lola:

You're really cute when you're not eating the kids crayons or pooping on the floor! :)

~Mom on the Edge

Oh Tannenbaum indeed!

Dear tackiest Christmas tree in America:

How did you end up in my house? I mean, I've always prided myself on decorating the most beautiful trees. We love real trees. We've had gorgeous Fraser firs, magnificent Douglas firs, and so many beautiful trees over the last dozen years.

But this year Sam was tested for allergies and we discovered that he is very allergic to pretty much all trees. I vowed to find an artificial tree that I would love as much as any real tree we'd ever had. Pearson was delighted at the thought of a pre-lit tree and never having to put the lights on a tree ever again.

I set out on my mission as soon as the stores put out the trees (around Halloween). I quickly became skeptical about getting a fabulous tree without spending several hundred dollars. Even the skimpiest trees were close to $200. So, I decided to hold off until Black Friday and perhaps find the perfect tree on sale somewhere. There were some great Black Friday deals on trees, but still I just couldn't find that perfect tree. I was getting discouraged.

Pearson and I started discussing the possibility of getting a real tree and hoping, now that Sam has meds for his allergies, that it wouldn't be so bad. We had all but decided to get a real tree when suddenly Sam's allergies hit full force. This time of year is so bad for him. He's been taking meds every 4 hours for a week and a half now. He even wakes up in the middle of the night, shuffles into our room to wake me up and beg for more medicine. So perhaps inviting another allergen into the house would be a mistake, right?

Last night I realized that Christmas was less than a week away and still we had no tree lighting up our beautiful bay window. My grandmother had mentioned that she had a pre-lit tree in the attic that she wasn't using. So I asked my aunt and uncle to bring it over.

Aunt Sharon walked in the door, followed closely by Uncle Don carrying two huge bags, and she said, "I hate this tree." Trying to be positive, I said, "Oh I'm sure it'll be fine."

Now here we are. I guess I should have known, any fake tree my grandmother would buy would have a tragic flaw of some sort. Would it be white or some other ridiculous non-tree color? Would it play loud music every time I turned the lights on? Would it be covered with fake snow? No, none of these things. But it is full of colorful fiber optic tips. Is this tree really in my house?

It's a sad day around here. Damn those allergies! I'll do my best to make the tree work. But it really hurts my eyes just to look at it. Without further ado, I give you....The Totally Tacky Tannenbaum.....

This picture doesn't do it justice, really. The lights fade in and out while changing color and the power supply makes this wonderful droning hum. Delightful! It really embodies the peacefulness that is the holiday season quite well, I think (note the sarcasm). Merry f'ing Christmas, y'all.
~Mom on the Edge

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The mind of a 3 year old

Dear Bill Cosby:

Kids really do say the darndest things, huh?

We are an atheist family, but we believe in teaching our children about many religions and cultures. So Sam attends (as Alex did for 3 years) a Lutheran preschool. Pearson and I, both being raised in the Baptist church, find it difficult to give an unbiased explanation, at times, of a religion that neither of us were able to swallow when force-fed as children. So we thought it was best left to the believers. When one of the kids comes home telling us that they learned that God gives us food and water, we reply that yes, that is what some people believe (one of many examples).

Today Sam came home from preschool and we had the following conversation...

Sam: Today I learned about baby Jesus at Christmas. Do you know about baby Jesus at Christmas?

Me: Yes, I've heard that story.

Sam: Now can you tell me the story of baby Jesus at Halloween?

Me: I don't think I know a baby Jesus at Halloween story.

Sam: What about a pirate Jesus? That would be a really good story!

Me: I don't know that one either, but it does sound like it would be good.

Sam: We should write one, Mom.

Me: I think that's a great idea....

Sadly, someone already had our idea. Tonight I found

At least we can read it together. And who knows what other adventures we can come up with for baby Jesus? Stay tuned...

~Mom on the Edge

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Wii love raffles!

Dear gods of good fortune:

Thank you for finally noticing us. :)

So our 6 year old daughter has one thing she expects Santa to bring this year (in addition to the many gifts she expects from mom and dad)....a Nintendo Wii. As you may know, these are nearly impossible to come by these days without jumping onto ebay and spending at least twice what they cost in the stores. And speaking of cost, we don't usually spend that kind of money on a Christmas gift. So we were kind of lost on what the answer was.

Then you came along. Apparently Pearson had entered a raffle quite some time ago. He bought two tickets at $5 a piece. Today he found out that he won 3rd prize...a Nintendo Wii. Unbelievable.

It will be a happy holiday in the Hurst household afterall. Now, how do I keep Pearson away from it until Christmas morning?

~Mom on the Edge

Sunday, December 2, 2007

What the Eff?

Dear Joe Gibbs:

Way to throw away the game. Nicely done.

~Mom on the Edge

Welcome to the world, Luke

Dear S & A (and big sister R):

Many congratulations on your newest addition. We're so happy for you. He is beautiful. I hope the birth experience was everything you hoped it would be. I can't wait to meet the little guy. Take care of yourselves and your wonderful little family. Much love.

~Mom on the Edge

An early Christmas present

Dear Internet friends:

Meet our newest addition. She was an early Christmas present for the whole family. Her name is Lola and she is, in fact, a show girl. :) No, not really. She is about 13 weeks old now. She's a chihuahua/pomeranian mix, less than 2 pounds currently and will probably grow to about 5 pounds. The kids adore her and she is settling right in. More pictures to come, I'm sure.

~Mom on the Edge

Speaking of Thanksgiving (Warning: Graphic Image!)

Dear possible skull fracture:

How do I know the extent of the damage? I mean, could you cause Sam more problems? I really thought when the swelling went down there'd be nothing but a bruise left behind. But there is sort of a ridge (for lack of a better word) beneath the bruise. What's that about? It's been more than a week (happened on Thanksgiving night). In hindsight, maybe we should have taken Sam to the ER, just to be checked out. When he rolled off of the office chair and his little forehead smacked the TV stand, the sound was horrifying...that thud. I couldn't believe that his head had made that sound. The blood curdling scream followed within seconds. By the time I scooped him up there was already a bump nearly as big as an egg on his head. It was all blue and purple. It was horrible. When I first saw it I thought I might throw up. Pearson and I were both freaking out a little. But thanks to a good friend who was visiting (Thanks, J) we remained fairly calm and tried to comfort Sam. We put a cold wash cloth on it and watched as the swelling started to go down. It seemed like he was fine. Eventually he calmed down enough to go to bed. It seemed all was healing well...but now this ridge. I just don't know what to think. Is it normal?

~Mom on the Edge

Thanksgiving...Well, I'm thankful that it's over!

Dear family:

Maybe we could skip the whole Thanksgiving feast next year? We could just go to Shoney's or Nanking or Kabuto (that was a fun year). Preparing Thanksgiving dinner is not fun. Cleaning up from Thanksgiving dinner is not fun. Being too exhausted to chase after my sugar infused children is not fun. As usual though, I'm sure nothing will change. See you next time.

~Mom on the Edge

The Toothless Wonder

Dear Tooth Fairy:

Did you really have to take all of her teeth at once? I've never seen such a silly smile! All four front teeth gone at once. Not to worry though, she can still whistle.

~Mom on the Edge

Good luck today!

Dear Redskins:

What a sad week. I know it will be hard to put it in the back of your heads and play hard. No advice today...just get out there and play.

~Mom on the Edge


Dear local public school district:

One of the things I love most about this area is its diversity. My daughter's kindergarten class is made up of several different ethnic groups. I love that and think it's fantastic! Now, I have no clue what religious or spiritual beliefs the families of the class (and the school's 5 kindergarten classes as a whole) hold. I can say with certainty that they are not all Christian, nor do they all celebrate Christmas. That's why I found it so odd that the first field trip of these children's educational experience is to see a play titled "Santa's Picture Perfect Christmas." Don't get me wrong, I love Santa myself. We do celebrate Christmas as a family, although we are not Christian. It just seems somewhat inappropriate to me, I suppose. But Alex seemed beyond excited about going to see the performance, so I decided not to make an issue of it.

Then a few days later another permission slip was sent home. Alex's class was going to the county's central office to present the collection for the Christmas Mother...then they were going to sing some Christmas carols for the workers. Hmmm...that seemed even more odd. Christmas carols? Really? But again, Alex seemed excited so I signed the form. I'm not happy about it though.

This seems a lot like promotion of one religion above all others to me, which is something I am firmly against in the public school system. I hear the rumblings every year at this time...all this BS about a war against Christmas, blah blah. But in reality, at least around here, it's the same old story. Christianity is pushed on our children as if it were the only answer. No regard for church/state separation at all.

I wonder if the parents of the Jewish or Muslim children signed the permission slips as well. It's funny because when I attended a room parent meeting at the beginning of the school year they were very adamant about the "Winter Party" being about winter and not about any particular religious celebration or traditions. It was to be about snowmen and penguins and such. They stressed that the party should be inclusive for all of the children. I guess the same is not true for field trips.

~Mom on the Edge

Friday, November 9, 2007

Another day, another dollar...or 4

Dear Tooth Fairy:

I fear your generosity has filled our daughter's eyes with dollar signs. The $4 you left Alex last night was much appreciated. She was so excited that she spent much of today wiggling the tooth next to the gap in her smile. This afternoon, tooth number 2 surrendered and Alex gleefully yanked it right out. Not to worry, she's been warned that you don't always leave $4. That was a first time only deal.

~Mom on the Edge

Thursday, November 8, 2007

She pulled it herself! Now that's badass! ;)

Dear Tooth Fairy:

What's the going rate for a first timer these days?

~Mom on the Edge

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Enough is Enough

Dear China:

Maybe you should get out of the toy making business. Just a thought...

~Mom on the Edge

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

I'm Alive

Dear readers:

I apologize for the long absence. Things have been wild around here. Busy, busy, busy. I'll be back and posting soon though, I promise!

~Mom on the Edge

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Take 'Em Down!

Dear Redskins:

Intimidating? Yes. Unbeatable? No. We can beat New England. We've done it in 6 out of 7 meetings. I still say NE is overrated. They are in a division with incredibly sucky teams. That gives them a lot of breathing room and far less pressure during the regular season. Since they play the 3 other teams in their division 2 times each...that's pretty much a 6 win guarantee right there. The rest is a piece of cake. They barely have to show up to make it to the post-season. That means we have more at stake, more to lose. I think we want it more...and hopefully that will count for something.

~Mom on the Edge

Friday, October 26, 2007

BK...Basic Training Video?

Dear Burger King:

Does your company not provide a basic training video? I remember in my very first retail job, at Thom McAn Shoes, I had to sit through about 3 hours of training videos. Have you considered anything like that for your employees? Maybe you should. And here's the first lesson you could teach them...

When it's breakfast time and you run out of biscuits....MAKE MORE! Don't just send hungry customers away.

~Mom on the Edge

I really wanted that sausage biscuit!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Kick Some Cardinal Ass!

Dear Redskins:

Well last week was very disappointing. I think I may be partly to blame. It appears you guys only play well if I'm actually watching. I admit, I cut out early last week to take the kids to a party at the pumpkin patch. And today could be a problem as well. I will be watching most of the game, but will likely miss the end of the 4th quarter. So, please start off big and leave them no chance to catch up, ok? That'd be great.

As for tips...Alex is out. She really dropped the ball last week, so to speak. Silly superstitions. So what advice can I give this week? Let's start with the defense...we have one of the better defenses out there this season. We've allowed fewer points than all but 2 teams. That's huge! The defense is GOOD. Last week was tough. Green Bay is tough. Brett Favre is a great QB (playing for 800 years gives you lots of experience to fall back on). But this week is a new game. Arizona is no Green Bay. Arizona already has their starting QB out and last week, lost their backup QB to injury as well. So, the QB is a definite weakness (he threw 3 interceptions and fumbled twice last week). Arizona has allowed nearly twice the points we have. So take advantage of their weaknesses and WIN WIN WIN! A loss at this point seriously could end the season. This is a must win game!

Don't let us down.

~Mom on the Edge

p.s. Sorry no cool Redskins pic...blogger is having uploading issues right now.

EDITED TO ADD: Crap, the Cardinals are playing Warner. Still...same advice applies.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Me, too! Me, too!

Dear Alex:

Since Sam got his picture posted, I guess you're right. It is only fair if you get one posted as well.

Behold... Alvin and the Chipmunks Spooky Halloween Night, by Alex


EEK! A scary pumpkin!

Dear Sam:

Thanks for my picture. You did such a good job on it. And you're getting so good with your name!


Vicious Attention Whore

Dear Ann Coulter:
What does it feel like to be the actual incarnation of evil? I mean, it's a powerful thing to be able to enrage and alienate an entire group of people in one fell swoop. Amazing. Actually what's amazing to me is that anyone still cares what you have to say. Your hate-speech has, I suppose, been your vessel to infamy. So perhaps it serves you well. Let's review just a few of your gems of wisdom...

" When we were fighting communism, OK, they had mass murderers and gulags, but they were white men and they were sane. Now we're up against absolutely insane savages."

How to respond here? As usual, I think your words speak for themselves. I'm not sure that you really have the credibility to be labeling others as "sane" and "insane" though.

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

Now, actually this would be the perfect answer to the problem...if we were a Christian nation, which we aren't (thankfully). America is not in the business of converting other countries to Christianity, at least we shouldn't be. Freedom of Religion doesn't simply mean the freedom to practice Christianity. That freedom is guaranteed to all. I'm sure this makes you sad. But really it's a founding principle of this country.

"No, we just want Jews to be perfected, as they say. ... That's what Christianity is. We believe the Old Testament, but ours is more like Federal Express. You have to obey laws. ...That is what Christians consider themselves: perfected Jews. We believe the Old Testament. As you know from the Old Testament, God was constantly getting fed up with humans for not being able to live up to all the laws. What Christians believe -- this is just a statement of what the New Testament is -- is that that's why Christ came and died for our sins. Christians believe the Old Testament. You don't believe our testament."

I know a lot of people, Jewish and not, were pretty offended by these statements you recently made. My gut reaction to your remarks was much the same. I thought it was hateful and anti-semitic. But when I thought on it more, I guess I realized that you weren't totally off base in describing your religious beliefs. Many Christians clearly believe they are a step ahead of the Jews. Being an atheist myself, I have to say that I completely disagree with your assessment though (big surprise). But I think that your statement, while not said in a very nice way, is in keeping with the beliefs of many (if not most) Christians. My problem with the statement is more that you are using your religious beliefs and the religious beliefs of others to gather more publicity and airtime for yourself, being the vicious attention whore that you are. And that, in my opinion, is very wrong.

"If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot."

Nice. I'm sure his small children appreciate the sentiment.

"I think [women] should be armed but should not vote...women have no capacity to understand how money is earned. They have a lot of ideas on how to spend's always more money on education, more money on child care, more money on day care."

You're a credit to the gender, Ann.

"I think the government should be spying on all Arabs, engaging in torture as a televised spectator sport, dropping daisy cutters wantonly throughout the Middle East and sending liberals to Guantanamo."

So, all Arabs should be suspect? Where do we draw that line? How about Casey Kasem? There always was something very suspicious about that Shaggy Rogers character.

The venom you spew frightens me. What frightens me even more is the number of Americans who agree with you. That is terrifying. But the great thing about this country is that you have every right to pollute the nation with your extremist views. And I have every right to disagree....and to call you a dangerous, right-wing, hate-speaking, attention seeking, racist lunatic.

~Mom on the Edge

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Week 6...If it works, stick with it

Dear Redskins:
Since Alex's advice worked so well for you last week my superstitious side feels the need to test her abilities again. So, once again this week's advice is from my daughter...
"To get more points than the other team you need to throw the ball REALLY far. And, of course, catch it. Try to always make the other team fall down. Then they can't score points. You still need your Redskins shirts because they're lucky. And crossing your fingers is always lucky, too. Sing the Redskins song when you play...and, ummm, that's all I got!"

I predict a win at Lambeau for the 'Skins. Let's see how close I can get....I'm guessing Redskins 24, Packers 17.

We'll see...

~Mom on the Edge

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Offensive Player of the Week!!!

Dear Jason Campbell:

I *heart* you. :)

~Mom on the Edge

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Happy (belated) birthday to my little princess!

Dear Alex:

Six years have gone by in a flash. Suddenly you're this bright, beautiful, sarcastic, wonderful girl. You are so intelligent, so kind to others (with the exception of your little brother) and so eager to learn. Your favorite subject these days seems to be science, especially entomology and astronomy. You're definitely Daddy's little girl.

You have grown to be a fantastic daughter, sister, student, friend,'re just so interested in the welfare of others. You're always looking for ways to make someone's day brighter. I'm so proud of the person you're becoming.

It amazes me every day how smart you are. You're reading Level 2 readers. You can solve basic addition problems in your head. You have an incredible grasp on science. I sometimes think you know more about space and nature than I do. It all seems to come so easy to you. None of this has been taught in school yet. It's all been a matter of you wanting to learn. I hope you keep that thirst for knowledge. It's incredible.

You are a special little girl. Always remember that. I love you so much. Just keep being you. Happy birthday, baby.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Birthday wishes to follow soon...

Dear Alex:

Today was your 6th birthday and we had a really fun day. There is so much that I want to say to wish you a happy birthday, but right now I'm a little overwhelmed realizing that my own mom has now missed as many of your birthdays as she was here to share. Somehow that feels like a big thing to me tonight. She loved you so much and so wanted to watch you grow up. She loved your birthdays, too. She would take you to Toys R US and buy you every toy you pointed to. This has been such an exciting time for you...starting kindergarten, turning 6, you have 4 loose teeth! Sometimes it just hits me kind of hard that she's not here for it. So, forgive me for not writing your birthday message tonight. I want to be able to give it the focus it deserves. I love you so much, my big girl. Sweet dreams.


Game Day

Dear Redskins:

My only advice this week is JUST WIN! It's Detroit. You better win. Plus, it's my little girl's birthday. Don't ruin it by putting her mom and dad in a foul mood. The fate of her 6th birthday rests on your shoulders. Remember that!

And in honor of her 6th birthday, Alex has some advice as well, "Remember to wear Redskins shirts. That's important. And cross your fingers, but not while you're playing. And yell 'GO REDSKINS! GO REDSKINS!' while you play. Then you'll win."
Sound advice.

~Mom on the Edge

Monday, October 1, 2007

The Little Blonde Girl, Revisited

Dear anyone with the right answer:

Apparently Alex recently told Little Blonde Girl that it's not nice to leave people out because of the color of their skin (yay Alex!). Alex told the girl that she wanted to play with those other two girls and she didn't care what they looked like. So now this child has decided to try to convince Alex that she shouldn't play with them because "they're mean." When I asked Alex if she thought they were mean, she immediately said that they are not mean, but very nice and a lot of fun. I happened to see Alex playing with one of those little girls the other morning when I dropped her off and they seemed to be having so much fun. :)

So now my dilemma is this: Do I continue to let Alex handle the situation since she appears to be doing a great job of it, or do I speak with the teacher about the situation? My concern is that I know Alex is not the only one Little Blonde Girl is trying to influence. I'm not sure they all will handle things like Alex has. The situation is so unfair to those two little girls (and according to Alex, the three minority boys in the class as who is black, one who is Korean and one who is bi-racial) that I feel it needs to be monitored at the very least.

Maybe I could send a note to the teacher about the things Alex has told me. I could even offer to come and read a book to the class about diversity or something. I don't know what to do. The whole situation makes me so mad.

Any words of wisdom out there?

~Mom on the Edge

Monday, September 24, 2007

That's How We Roll

Dear lady down the street:

I just wanted to thank you for saving me so much time. I had plans to invite you and your kids over one afternoon to meet a couple of other moms in the neighborhood. Since you're new around here, I thought it would be the neighborly thing to do. Of course these things take some effort and planning. I am a conscientious hostess afterall. I always want things to be just right. I had it all planned in my head. I would invite you and your 4 kids, the 2 moms down the street with kids of similar ages (4 kids between them), and my next door neighbor with her daughter and step daughter. The kids could all play while eating homemade cookies and drinking lemonade. The moms could sip on sweet tea and get to know each other. Time consuming and haggering as it may seem, we do what we have to do. But you saved me from all that trouble.

Things were moving right along with the plans, in my head anyway. This hostess thing is a multi-staged process. It had seemed like fate that we would be great neighborhood friends. It was pretty cool the way we met. When you posted an ad on Freecycle and I replied, who would have thought you lived just 4 houses away from me? Fate! And you have kids about the same age as mine. Fate.

All seemed fine when you stopped by our yard sale. We made a plan to exchange an infant seat I had for some 3T boy's clothes you had. Remember that part? I think your words were, "I have a ton of 3T stuff for boys and it's all cute, Old Navy and Gap...stuff like that..." Seemed like a great deal for us both, with Sam needing some 3T clothes and you needing an infant seat. Again, fate. But alas, sometimes fate can be so cruel.

Pearson headed down to your house at 2:30, as you requested, and exchanged one for the other. When he arrived home and handed me the large bag he had retrieved from your house, I was so excited to see what kind of wonderful "big boy" clothes were waiting in there for my little guy! Imagine my surprise when I actually pulled them out...BIG BOY INDEED!

I suppose I should give you the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps you like to dress your son like a miniature Kevin Federline, in baggy pants and an oversized shirt. Maybe you thought you were doing something nice when you gave me these things. Then again, if that were the case, maybe you wouldn't be completely ignoring my e-mails and phone calls. I hope you enjoy the infant seat. I also hope dressing like a teeny thug doesn't violate the dress code at Sam's preschool. And how do I accessorize? I'm so not up on my hip hop culture...

Anyway, thanks for saving me some time. Being friendly with your neighbors is so overrated. I don't know what I was thinking. It's so much more fun to be involved in a neighborhood feud. Look out Hatfields and's on!

~Mom on the Edge
*a note to the readers: Those shorts are a size 8 and the shirt is a 10/12. These seem to fit the best.

Friday, September 21, 2007

The blog goes international

Dear loyal readers:

My blog has been visited by friends, family, and interested parties from around the United States since I started it. But the blog is now officially an international sensation! Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration. But, according to my trusty sitemeter, we have now been visited by inhabitants of both Malaysia and Norway! How 'bout that? Word is spreading! :)

So, to my new cyber-friends in Norway: Hvordan har du det?
And in Malaysia: Apa khabar?

Don't you have a pick-up service or something?

Dear public library:

I know, I know...our books are late, all 17 of them. I have no idea what kind of astronomical fees I've incurred, but maybe you could take a page from the Blockbuster playbook. NO LATE FEES! We could take it a step further and you could just mail me 3 books at a time. I can return them at my leisure (what a funny concept that is...leisure). I'm guessing you're not going to be very interested in that sort of give and take.

If only you understood what a day in my life was like maybe you would see that such deadlines are pretty unattainable. You think I can find time TWICE in one month to make it to the library? I barely have time to shower and shave my legs twice in a month!!!

Can't we find some sort of a compromise?

~Mom on the Edge

Shameless Pandering

Dear friends, family & random strangers who have stumbled upon my blog:

It's Fall Fundraiser time! And my goodness are things a lot more advanced than when I was a kid. Thanks to the internet, my little girl can cyber-sell these wonderful products to friends and family, far and wide.

Please take a moment to look at the site, and if you're so inclined...BUY BUY BUY! :) You can help Alex win a really cool prize. Every little sale helps. Thanks....

From the standard e-mail the company sent us:

Alexandra is currently doing an online fundraiser for her school... and you can help!

1. Go to before 10/19/2007
2. Shop from their great selection of personalized items, chocolates, and more!
3. Enter 120792 under Option 1 after selecting an item.

By entering number 120792, you'll credit Alexandra and her school with a large percentage of your purchase price.

Alexandra thanks you for all your help!

~Mom on the Edge

Week 3 and looking good!

Dear Redskins:

Wow 2-0 going into week 3...who would've guessed it?

You guys did a much better job of catching the ball in week 2. But you'll have to do even better this week. The Giants defense is weak. Get the ball to Moss and he'll be unstoppable. You will NEED touchdowns, not just field goals to beat NY. While the defense is lacking (big time!), their offense is solid. You're going to have to outscore them, not just try to stop them.

And just a note....the last time you guys played the Giants you got 10 penalties for 100 yards! Not cool. Don't let it happen again or you will lose...again!

Until Sunday...

~Mom on the Edge

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Holy Mucopurulent Discharge, Batman!

Dear allergy season:

As if it weren't bad enough that Alex constantly coughs like an 80 year old 3-pack-a-day smoker, she now has a faucet for a nose as well. She coughs all night long. She coughs all day at school. I'm waiting for a note to come home soon asking me for proof the child doesn't have TB.

And Sam...poor little Sam. His nose is stuck on the "stream" setting. The snot doesn't even drip down his face like most kids. It actually leaps from his nostrils and takes aim at unsuspecting passersby. We get some very strange looks from people as I try to explain that my son didn't spit at them, his nose just has a mind of its own. On top of this annoying, leaky nose Sam also gets little red bumps on different areas of his body when they come into contact with certain allergens (grass, most trees...air!) so the kid is constantly scratching at himself like a junkie in need of a fix. But the best part came today when he got up from rest time with a face full of a remarkably thick, yellow discharge. At first I thought he had sneezed all over himself. Ha, I should be so lucky! I scooped him up and off to the doctor we went. Turns out he has not only pink eye, but also an ear infection. Beautiful. We've missed having antibiotics around the house. It's been so long. So begins the fall allergy season...and, I'm sure, an endless parade of antibiotics in our household.

You would think that we could keep you at bay between the allergy shots (twice a week), the prescription nasal spray (once a day), the Pulmicort Flexhaler (twice a day), the Albuterol inhaler (as needed), and the nebulizer treatments (as needed); that the kids would be impenetrable...but you're a persistent little booger (no pun intended).

It's not even fall yet and I'm already counting the days until winter. Is it time for the first frost yet?

~Mom on the Edge

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I have a dream...

Dear little blonde girl in Alex's class:

I wonder if your parents have raised you to believe the things you say or if you're just beginning to innocently notice differences in people's appearances. I certainly hope it's the latter. If it is a matter of upbringing, I hope you will find the strength and wisdom to rise above your parents' prejudices and see all people for who they truly are, not just for the color of their skin.

A great man once said, "I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today."

When Alex came home from school the other night and told me that the girls in the class had created a "club" for themselves, I smiled and told her how I remembered those days. My friends and I made up our own clubs often at that age. As I was lost in the Land of Nostalgia, Alex suddenly snapped me abruptly back to reality when she said, but "L" and "M" aren't allowed to be in it. I immediately asked her why. She told me that you had said they weren't allowed in the club because they had brown skin and it was different and gross. My heart just broke for those two little girls...and for my own daughter, who has never expressed any prejudice against another.

I asked Alex if she thought their skin was different and gross. She told me she thought it was different, but not gross. I reminded her that people shouldn't be judged based on how they look. She replied, "I know but "A" said that they couldn't be and I can't make her." I told her that she was right...she can't make you believe that. But that she can lead by example. I asked her if she really wanted to be in a club that treated other people badly. She said she didn't want to be mean to anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, but didn't know what she could do.

I told Alex that I would like for her to go to school the next day and play with "L" and "M" and come home and tell me something that she liked about each of them. I'm proud to report that Alex did play with those little girls yesterday and told me all about it. She said that "L" is really nice and very shy, so they didn't play much. But she likes her and wants to play with her again. She had a great time playing with "M" yesterday. They pretended to work in a candy factory making all sorts of yummy treats. She's very excited to play with "M" again today. Please don't ruin that for her.

Alex told me that if you ever again tell her that someone should excluded from a group based on their appearance that she would tell you, "that's not nice and I don't play that way." I hope she has the strength to follow through. I believe she does.

I hope Alex helps to open your eyes to how wonderful diversity is. Her father and I made a point of sending her to a preschool that was very culturally diverse. We wanted her to learn from an early age that it's ok that not everyone looks, dresses, or talks the same. Not everyone has the same beliefs. Not everyone has the same abilities. These are important lessons. I hope one day someone takes the time to teach them to you. Maybe it will be my little girl.
~Mom on the Edge

Monday, September 17, 2007

Hi Jack, I'm Annette. You're doing it wrong. (South to drop off, moron!)

Dear dads at my daughter's school:

I really hate to generalize, and I'm sure you're wonderful fathers. But I'm also sure you're NOT wonderful carpoolers! When dropping off your kids in the drop off circle at the school, you may have noticed there is a line of cars (with moms driving them) waiting patiently for their turn in the circle. You've probably noticed several of us waving at you (well, maybe "waving" isn't the right word, so much as gesturing?) as you fly past our block-long line of mini vans and station wagons, and jump in front of whoever's supposed to enter the circle next. I'm sure whatever you have planned for your morning is infinitely more important than the plans of the rest of us. And I'm sure your child is just that much more special than the rest of our kids. But I'm giving you fair warning right now that one of these days some frazzled mom who's lacking in patience and sleep is going to jump out of her vehicle and go totally road rage on your ass. I'm just saying...
~Mom on the Edge

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Safety scissors...not so safe for hair

Dear Fiskars:

I would like to lodge a complaint. A pair of your safety scissors snuck into my daughter's bedroom today and viciously attacked her beautiful hair! I should press charges, but my daughter has remained tight-lipped about the scissor's involvement. As is the case in many abusive relationships, she seems to be blaming anyone and everyone else.

"No, it wasn't the scissors. Please don't take them away. It was this piece of plastic that was under my bed."

"It wasn't the scissors, really! It was a DVD that cut my hair."

"I promise it wasn't the scissors, I ripped my own hair out."

It sounds all too familiar. The victim blames themselves and those around her, but never the true abuser. I know it was the scissors. I found them, hiding under the bed...still holding clumps of my daughter's hair. Be glad she's not talking...
~Mom on the Edge

Saturday, September 15, 2007

From Buffett to Blondie

Dear Friends and family:

The phone's back! :) So, as Debbie Harry says...

Call me on the line
Call me
Call me any anytime
Call me my love
You can call me any day or night
Call me

But please don't. I really HATE the phone. So, just e-mail anytime. Thanks.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Flyguy's doppleganger?

Dear Richmonders:

Have you seen I'm Gonna Git You Sucka? If not, where the hell were you in 1988? Anyway, I'm so excited to report that Flyguy has moved into our fair city. I was driving down 7th St. near the Coliseum the other day when suddenly, from around a corner appeared this larger than life character. All that was missing were the platform fishbowl shoes. He was spectacular! I've never seen anything like him in person. I wanted to talk to least take his picture, but he was pretty intimidating. I was waiting for him to start reciting "My Bitch Better Have My Money" when the light turned green and the driver behind me (who amazingly wasn't entranced by the superfly pimptastic creature in our presence) started honking at me and I had to move on. Oh well. And now, just for dramatic effect, I present to you...

My Bitch Better Have My Money
by Flyguy

My bitch better have my money
Through rain, sleet, or snow
My whore better have my money
Not half, not some, but ALL my cash '
Cause if she don't,
I'm gonna put my foot in her ass.

Have It Your Way

And speaking of the Redskins...

Dear Jason, the Burger King cashier:

Thank you so much for making my son the happiest kid in town. When we ordered his kid's meal with a new BK mini NFL jersey included as a prize, my 3 year old son (a HUGE Redskins fan) naturally assumed he would be getting a Redskins mini jersey. Imagine his disappointment when he pulled out a Carolina Panthers mini jersey instead. He was devastated. But when he turned to you and asked if you had a Redskins jersey instead, my heart nearly broke. This being a Redskins town, I thought the odds of that were pretty slim. But you, Jason, came through for my son. You told him, "hang tight for a minute, little man." Then you left the restaurant, leaving Sam completely confused. When you reappeared carrying the mini jersey that you had secured for yourself and handed it over to Sam, he nearly burst with excitement and squealed, "it's the Redskins, Mom! I told you I can have the Redskins!"

He may not know how wonderful a thing you did, Jason. But I do. I hope you get a replacement mini jersey from one of those boxes. And even if you don't, remember you're one little guy's hero. Thanks.

~Mom on the Edge

All My Rowdy Friends...

Dear Redskins:

Congratulations on your (very lucky) win last week! I'll take the win, even if it's not pretty. But, right to the point...I said I would give a tip each week. Last week I suggested that Campbell show off his ability to pass a little more often. It seems maybe you listened to me, at least a bit. Nice arm, Jason! But that leads me to this week's suggestion. As we head into week 2 let's try actually CATCHING some of those passes??? That would make the game a lot more fun for us all. Philadelphia may not appreciate it. But I'm not here for them. Catch the damn ball. That's it. Sounds simple, right? Well, you didn't make it look very simple last week! See you boys Monday night.

~Football fan on the Edge